Right now we are escaping from pain and suffering with the only methods we have at hand and maybe those methods don’t work well for us any longer. By taking responsibility for our own lives and looking deeper into our actions and reactions, many things become clearer and less confusing. The realization that no one else is responsible or to blame for our transgressions is true freedom. As we look deeper into why we do what we do, we can see very simply that no one else is at fault and most importantly, neither are we. As we practice patience and no longer condemn or judge ourselves, we begin to see another way to live and this life is free from pain and suffering. When we look deeper we gain more insight, wisdom, and compassion and we break the cycles of the past.
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I could not agree more.
Can I just add one more thing. When observing my various addictions closely, I have the feeling that beside being alone responsible, I am the one making the decision to let them happen.
I am the one making the decision to drink, to watch useless TV programs for hours, not to do my household tasks… Obviously the act of making the decision is more subtle and less consciously perceivable the more this has become an habit and that I am on auto-pilot mode.
My current practice is to try every time to notice and tell out loud to myself what decision I am about to make (or I have just made) then ponder the outcome of the decision.
Is it not all a question of habit? We do what we do because we have developed a habit and habits can be changed once we realise we are not the habit but have it. We can program ourselves to have any kind of habits.
Robert,
I am probably repeating myself, but I have no words to express my gratitude for what you do.
At 17, I’ve developed the beginnings of bad habits involving hard drugs. The people in my home who are closest to me continue to waste their money (and their futures) for a weekend drug binge, and there was a time when I was right there with them. Now I have left the United States, for a year in Holland. After the first few months here I have had no desire to touch any of the ever so available drugs. I don’t blame my friends for my previous drug use, but how come in this country where drugs are basically legal do I feel so disconnected from those old tendencies?
Wise words indeed. In my experience our habits, beliefs, attitudes and addictions can be changed, but it must be with patience, understanding and compassion. Just quitting doesn’t work… for me anyway. But by developing my self awareness, I have gained a much deeper insight into the root causes. I’ve learnt that these drivers are not the enemy, something that needs to be removed or fixed, but instead they are pointers to true meaning and fulfillment in life when approached with empathy and an open mind. Every cloud really does have a silver lining if we have to courage to really sit with it and face it, rather than run away or judge it.
The most healing words I have found so far, is “don’t condemn yourself” – it is so freeing to not beat up ourselves for mistakes.
This is not to say that we are free to commit crime or do what we feel like doing anytime.
Not condemning ourselves for the past mistakes will only help ourselves to move forward and learn from the past mistakes, so as to not repeat them again.
But the first step to move forward is to not condemn ourselves.
Best
Gamy